On Reading My Past Posts

Reading the posts from years ago before I stopped using this blog feels like reading someone else's words. 

 A close friend 

A sister (but not my sister) 

A confidant who knows all my stories, but tells them slightly wrong. 

Because the person that wrote those words was physically me, but she also wasn't me. 

 Her kids were tiny. 

She had never heard of COVID. 

She hadn't held a crying eight year old asking why her grandpa loved Trump but not her.

Now her kids are nearly grown. 

She survived Christmas of 2020 sleeping on the livingroom floor with the kids, terrified because Dr A's breathing was so very shallow as he fought COVID in the bedroom. 

Now that eight year old is a teenager that just rolls her eyes when her grandpa screams, to the point of slobbering, regurgitated MAGA nonsense. 

We are all tougher. 

We are all recast 

and reborn.

Rewritten daily.

Home

 There are no words for the joy that is having my own home. After years of scrimping, saving, and sacrificing it looked like we would never be able to have a home of our own until an incredible friend stepped in and helped us make that dream come true. 

Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. This house was a fixer upper in every aspect, but room by room, we've breathed new life into this 120 year old structure. I don't think we'll ever be done and I'm totally okay with that. This house is my ultimate art project.

Knocking Off The Dust

 For years I wrote online for everyone to see. 

I blogged here, then I started using Facebook like a journal.

 I documented my children growing up 

my wins 

my losses

I loved seeing "on this day" pop up and seeing how much far we've come as a family. 

Then my Facebook account was hacked. 

I lost it all. 

My personal page

My business page. 

14 years worth of memories, essays, and life. 

Gone.

I did my best to appeal to facebook's non-existent customer service for help, but found no recourse.

Facebook does not care about it's users. 

I was bereft.

So I started writing on paper again, but Emily Dickinson I am not. 

I take no comfort in the thought that my written words may never see the light of day. 

So I'm back.

All these years later, and this blog remains:

A half filled notebook ready to have the dust blown off.

Slowly accomplishing a deferred dream

Aside from setting little goals to reach each week, I've also been setting big goals for my family this year. I've accomplished several of them, like getting LC into the #1 school in the state and having an art show, but there are several more I'm working on that will take years. One is to hike the entire Appalachian Trail. When I was younger I dreamed of doing the whole trail in one glorious year, but now that really isn't an option for me, so I bought a trail map and little by little, weekend by weekend, we've been working our way up. We highlight the trails that we've done and it is so exhilarating to watch the map light up with marker. 

In a way I'm kind of glad I never got to do it when I was younger because then I may not be interested in hiking the whole AT again now, and doing it now, while more difficult and arduous schedule-wise, means that my tiny explorers get to go too. There's a quote from Christopher McCandless that hit me hard:

"Happiness is only real when shared."

And the older I get the more I see the truth in that.

Alone, I find satisfaction, but not happiness.

There is no happiness in finding a perfect rock for sliding down if you're alone. Sure it might be interesting or fun, but the happiness comes from hearing the happy squeals of your kids as they tumble down onto each other laughing.

Working on my goal to hike the entire AT has also renewed my love for finding rare wildflowers, and thanks to social media I can share my finds, which is really fun because I never knew so many other people would also find them interesting. Take this rare beauty for example- a ghost plant (also known as corpse plant or indian pipe) from a rare family of plants that contain absolutely no chlorophyll and can only be found on a few hillsides in Appalachia.

 Finding it was fun, but sharing it with others who thought it was neat was like finding it again! 

Technical Difficulties

I've been trying for several weeks to build a website with a selling platform (that's not Etsy) to sell the rest of the paintings that didn't sell at the art show, but I've been having a really difficult time. I successfully made a wix site, but couldn't add a selling function without paying an arm and a leg. Then I made an old fashioned HTML site that worked flawlessly with my paypal links, but looked like absolute crap and kept degrading the quality of my photos for some reason. It seems like I have to decide between functionality, appearance, and cost. Till I can figure out how to have more than one of those I'm just going to post a few things here. 

Dragonfly

Watercolor on paper 8 x 10 $75

Moonlight Through the Pines

Watercolor on paper $75

If you would like to buy either of these, please comment here, 

or for faster service email

lashaashley@gmail.com

Week 2 of Summer: Art Show!

Last week we got the house in order and this week we got ready for...

LC's first Art show!!!!!

Compared to last week, this week was HEAVEN!

LC was so excited when I told her about it that she immediately sat down and got to work finishing all the half finished paintings from her nature journal.

I bought a bunch of frames and did a little outlining for her and the collection came together really well!

(All the paintings in the front rows on the table are by Lillie. The big ones in the back are mine.)

On the night of the show roadwork had completely blocked the studio creating a really difficult parking situation and also it STORMED. I was getting worried that no one would come and Lillie would get her first taste of what being a professional artist is really like (see also: disappointing).

Thankfully I was wrong!

So many people love my little artist girl that the studio filled right up!

(LC with her best friend)

All the proceeds from any art sold went to her BES tuition.

Together we raised nearly half a year's tuition!  

Week of clean wrap up: This was a terrible idea.

The title of this post says it all. 

I tried so hard to get my house perfectly clean,

and keep it perfectly clean

for just one week

and I failed.

Not only did I fail, but I made everyone

MISERABLE

(especially me).

Keeping a house clean with a two year old and a six year old just is not a worthwhile endeavor.

(Aside from being unworthy of my time, it's also really darn near impossible.)

So we're back to our normal messy selves.

Toys are on the floor.

Play dough is on the table.

A half finished painting is propped up in the hallway.

I still do the dishes daily,

vaccuum when/where possible

and keep everyone in clean clothes but other than that

messy mommy is BACK

and everyone is very glad

(especially me!)

Day Four: Play, play, play, and play some more

Day four came and so did the little girl I babysit.

She is precious and sweet,

but she is two

and when she is put in a room with my two year old they can get into all kinds of messy mischief in the blink of an eye.

Seriously, I do not dare turn my backs on them.

Not for a second

and tasks that I could do in the same room as them,

like pick up toys,

straighten up the couch, etc,

are completely futile

because they will undo anything I do faster than I can redo it.

I did some dusting in the living room, 

but mostly I played 

I played dress up

I played legos

I played toddler "hide and seek"

(That's where you throw a blanket over them and pretend you can't find them).

I took turns flying them around the room

(A free workout!)

And when the day was over and her dad came to pick her up

I.was.exhausted.

I threw together a pasta dinner with whatever crap I could find in my cabinets and retreated into a good book, while Dr A took over watching the kids for the couple of hours before bed. (They were tired too, so that meant playing video games with them- a real hardship.
Honestly I was too tired to even care about all the cleaning I didn't do.

Got Grass

On day three I got no cleaning done.

I dropped LC off and changed into the grungiest clothes I own and headed over to cut grass for some relatives. It's about 10 acres of grass and I go around with a weedeater after cutting the bulk, so it's an all day affair.

It's hard work, but it's also pretty nice. 

Lucas gets to spend the day with his Grandpa 

and I get to soak up the sunshine belting out 90s pop songs 

safe in the knowledge that no one can hear me over the engine's rumble.

It was supper time by the time I finished,

so I shook off as much grass as I could and picked up some subs on my way home.

I hate the idea of paying for a gym,

because there is so much in the world that needs to be done,

that I refuse to waste my time and money to ride a bicycle in place.

I know it's not as efficient as working out at a gym, 

but my sore muscles are a testament to it's effectiveness.

Feeling chubby?

Go for a run.

Work on your yard.

Go hiking and clear sticks and weeds off the trail (seriously good exercise).

Dig a garden.

Chase your kids around

for a more extreme workout "fly" your kids around.

Visit an elderly relative and help out with whatever obviously needs to be done.

I did a load of laundry after supper, 

but my heart wasn't in it 

and bed time followed soon after.