Friday, July 22, 2011

Two Tacky Mamas #1

Long ago

In a galaxy far far away

Two uniquely fashionable women tried on hideous clothes,

laughed till they almost peed their (high-water parachute) pants,

strategized how to improve said hideous clothes,

and talked about starting a blog on the topic

(which, for the time being, will just be incorporated into this here old blog I've been writing for years)

And so, without further ado, I bring you the very first installment of

Two Tacky Mamas

Episode #1: The Case of the 1990's Maternity Dress of Horror

Mrs A pulled thousands of feet of velvet trimmed denim from a box of hand-me-downs.

"Holy-mother-of-all-PTA-moms!" Mama D exclaimed.

At first glance it seemed as if Mrs A was holding a denim bed sheet, but if you stood back a few feet and let your eyes carefully refocus, it became apparent that the king-size bed sheet was in fact a dress.

A maternity dress.

From the 90's.

It was a sartorial black hole capable of completely sucking you in,

and crushing you with such copious denim,

and a velvet collar,

and velvet cuffs,

oh my.

Mrs A took a deep breath, wrestled the beast to the ground, and cut off the menacing crushed velvet bits-

veritably chopping the the sleeves in half.

Then, in order to give her ankles some breathing room, she cut off about a thousand inches of fabric, to give the creature that now more closely resembled a dress a more fashionable hem-line.

Next, where once lived a massive heavy black velvet collar, now was just a savage raw cut, which Mrs A neatly turned rolled and hemmed.

The same treatment went to the fray-full sawed off sleeves, which were then folded to above the elbow.

Then the tiny princess woke up from her tiny nap, signaling the end of Mrs A's crafty time, and the beginning of dinner time. So Mrs A donned the now streamlined carcass of the 90's nightmare and enjoyed some time grilling on the deck.

And they all lived (and dressed) happily ever after.

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If you'd like to see The Ackermans in some photos that are actually decent for a change, go here, 'Like' Swell Studio's page and then vote for us by Liking the pic of us you see there. Since either Dr or Mrs A are almost always the one behind the camera, there are virtually no good pictures of them together with tiny miss A, so winning this would be a real treat!

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Your turn Mama D!


Anonymous said...

You are awesome!

Just Me said...

Hehe I love you. Can't wait to see more. :-)