The profiles of friends from high school play out like "This is your life if..."
This is your life if you had made better grades.
This is your life if you had done drugs.
This is your life if you had of been passionate about something.
This is your life if you'd have ignored what people told you.
This is your life if you'd have been more responsible.
This is your life if you'd chosen differently.
Thoughts on the subject of "if" are wasted on the imperviousness of the unknowable.
It's better to think of what is.
But contemplating "what is" always leads me back to the relentless question of "how did I get here?"
Strange road, mine.
A million extraordinary simple little things, so cumulatively intricate, that "predestined" doesn't seem quite strong enough a word.
If any one of a million little things had or hadn't occurred I wouldn't be here, in my New York City apartment typing up a blog post from my Ikea couture bed.
(That was kind of a joke, Ikea couture, but only those experienced in the crappiness of Ikea could get it).
Like, what if Peter had never heard of AUC?
What if I hadn't moved out on my 18th birthday?
What if I hadn't gone to Wal-mart to buy film in the 11th grade?
What if I hadn't been given that note?
What if I hadn't joined the band in 6th grade?
What if my mom hadn't put me in school a year early?
I would be a completely different person, with a completely different experience.
Oh, butterfly effect... you exhaust me.